I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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