Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
