Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize