Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
