just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
