Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
