this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
