I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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