I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
