Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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