im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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