how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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