She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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