covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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