we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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