Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize