this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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