i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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