Don't you send me to vm
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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