I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
