brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
