dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
