Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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