also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
