Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
50% drunk capacity currently
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
