New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
