Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
