How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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