Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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