winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
