Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
