also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
