Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
