Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
