I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
