I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
