I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
