i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
