So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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