Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
