Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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