Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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