There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize