no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
