i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
