Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
