she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
