So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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