so explain again why im purple
no
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
