Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
