Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
