I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
