She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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