So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
