I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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