Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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