Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
