I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
