Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
