so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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