I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
