We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
