I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
