i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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