Well apparently he's into motor boating.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
