i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize