you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
