I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
