ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize